Dear Mom and Dad, I’m Sorry

scrabble tiles on white surface

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m sorry

I’m sorry for the ways I’ve made you sad

I’m sorry for the ways I’ve made you worry

I’m sorry for the illness aiding my anger

I’m sorry for my willingness to blame my bipolar

I regret little, except living as strangers

I know bipolar isn’t my full controller

I feel so bowled over, mowed over

By my feelings. I’ve mulled over how to apologize

I’ve strategized, ratified, to bring closure

A dad myself now, I feel appalled for you guys

I want to mend, to bring an end to the rift

An apology, for all of me, for all my flaws

I want this to be a gift

I pray you open it in awe.

I will post this online, dare to share because I care

I care what you think

And I swear

I’ll shrink

Should you dislike the format

Should you tell me it’s good

Should you roll out the doormat

If only I would I could, because I should

I hope you welcome me back

Not that we’ve ever be gone, but been adrift

But things haven’t remained the same since my panic attacks

Since my emotions took a left

I haven’t been right, but tonight I’m alright

Most of the anger has left

I’m still struggling, but I’m holding tight

I’ll make it through this, If God lets

Lady Bugg has been a God-send, God bless

Because I wouldn’t be here today

If she hadn’t blessed my mess, our love a blessed test, a place to rest

So, I guess I want to say, I’m okay

I see the angst, anger, agittation in my own son

I see the way he wants to stay a kid

But his emotions make him feel done

Done with hurt, done with anger, wishing to be rid

Of all that plagues him, all that plagued me

I see my reflection in his eyes and I can’t deny

I’m sorry to you for what I see, for him, for me

Everyday I try

Don’t make it weird or awkward

Don’t acknowledge you’ve seen this

Addressing my feelings makes me feel preturbed and absurd

I know you are not perfect, some things you’ll miss

But I now know one of them is surely me

May these words be a kiss on the cheek, a warm hug

I love you, I’m sorry

Truly yours, Lord Bugg

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